By Diane Kenney
I am in love. And, I am single, although I have never identified myself as such. Like everybody, I am a lot of things, and now I am in danger of defining myself by what I used to have, or do or be. Words like “single” or “widow” describe what I am missing.
Yet, I am one of the lucky ones on this earth who by chance, or by grace, crossed paths with my soulmate and lived the gift of almost 40 years together.
Now, I am in a new life chapter.
I shouldn’t be surprised because even in the best marriages, one or the other lives the last chapter alone. It is really different and hard. I never took a class on how to do it.
You’re it!
You’re on your own. Whether for mundane chores like taking out the trash, or answering the routine question on a medical form: Who is your emergency contact? That got my attention like never before.
Not to mention those scary, middle of the night existential misgivings and worries with no one there to talk to.
But, wait! I said I was in love, and I am. At the risk of corniness, I can honestly say that I often feel myself to be part of an ocean of love. I am still learning what this means. I am a student of life. So, what am I learning?
I can visualize these three words, in skywriting: UNLOCK YOUR HEART. I mean, what do I have to protect or lose?
For me, “singledom” is not something I chose, but I do have the power to choose to embrace it. I am learning what this means.
It starts every morning by putting my feet on the floor and going from there.
It means bravely saying “yes” to ideas and invitations and showing up at art openings and more. I always come away with a full heart.
It is my job to be proactive on my own behalf; to connect with both family and friends, old and — to my surprise — new! I actually have made some new friends and some of them are even my age!
My job has been to unlock my heart … leaving room for the unimaginable. Just as Mary Oliver advised, “Keep some space in your heart for the unimaginable.”
My neighborhood has become almost transformed, for me. We care about each other, so many of us.
I am expanding my vision. I look around and I see what many call “little old ladies” in the grocery store, bravely fending for themselves. Every one of them, of us, has an amazing story, if only we can see and listen. And, by the way, let’s stop calling them “little old ladies.”
Opening my heart means trying to listen and see others, and letting them see me. It can mean simply sending a text or an email expressing care for them, or picking up the phone and connecting with another soul. A reunion needn’t be lofty, perhaps dinner around a table, deepening loving connections in golden and sometimes riotous conversation.
I feel so much love so often, just in being with others. Can I say that’s being in love?
Yet, I walk alone (literally). I go for long, slow walks outside in almost any weather with my dog, Raven. But, I am never lonely outside. Trees are good company. We remember and know each other.
And yes, I am in love with trees, with the changing light, with the vision of Mount Sopris on my drive home — my reward for going to the store.
I am learning JOY. I actually have discovered in recent years an increased capacity for sheer, unadulterated delight and joy. I am learning that I can choose to feel that delight in the simplest things, casual conversations or more — especially when I can support others.
I have allowed myself to experience so much goodness from neighbors, family and friends. Is this being in love? I am going to say yes.
I live in pursuit of beauty. At the risk of corniness, again, I confess that I have felt something close to ecstasy, actively absorbing music and art.
Does beauty inspire love, or is it love made visible? Does it matter?
Maybe love is the unimaginable gift in the space in my heart left by my beloved.
Maybe a broken heart is an open heart. In any case, I just can’t get over “The Power of Love.”
VOICES Radio Hour February episode, featuring “Singlehood” and “Community Family,” will air on KDNK Community Access Radio on Friday, Feb. 9 from 6-7pm. You can listen to past episodes of VOICES Radio Hour at voicesrfv.org/voices-radio-hour