By Kami Miranda

Like most huge transformations, I was only able to take notice of what was happening to me after enough time had passed for some rear-view perspective. What started out as a simple desire to lose a few pounds and gain some tools to survive menopause as gracefully as possible ended up altering every aspect of my life, from the way I engage with family, friends, co-workers and, most importantly, how I talk to and treat myself.
I had no idea that my mindset was in need of such a massive overhaul and was unaware of the level to which I had been sabotaging my own dreams. Over the past year and a half, I made the shift from working out to lose a few pounds, to working out because I’d fallen in love with the process and, eventually, with myself!

Before and after. Courtesy photo


I confess, I’ve made fun of “gym rats” over the years, but more vicious and embarrassing was my judging of mothers who had prioritized their physical health. I was exhausted, all of my boundaries had been challenged, pushed and flat out ignored for almost two decades. I told myself I was a more dedicated wife and mom because I was willing to sacrifice myself! Ohhh, I had no idea how many BS stories I was telling myself and just how much I had to learn!
It’s true, my boundaries had been trampled, but not because my family was malicious or disrespectful but instead because I had never established them. I had failed to stand up for myself, speak up and dare to have opinions because people-pleasing was a higher priority. Never in a million years would I have imagined all of this unpacking of old, outdated stories and revealing of buried skeletons would play out in a gym. I’d never set foot in a gym, never touched a barbell and certainly didn’t know the first thing about hypertrophy, NEAT, macros and RPEs, nor did I see why that would have anything to do with self-discovery. Then, I literally unraveled and re-wired myself under pressure, under the bar.
In early 2022 I started reading, listening to podcasts, interviews and audiobooks on everything related to menopause and female aging.
I took a six week program and learned about tracking dietary macros. I lost 18 pounds, was happy and loosey goosey with my diet until I began to wonder what else I was capable of. I had consistently made choices that led to a lifestyle I was unhappy with. What would happen if I consistently made another choice? I applied to a 24-week transformation program and the mindset shift was set in motion. Alongside my 40 teammates turned sisters, we shared weekly measurements and pictures of ourselves in bikinis. We started terrified but after only a few short weeks we all started to notice changes.
Over the course of the next six months, as my body changed beyond recognition, as I shed weight and girth, it came to my awareness that I no longer cared about losing a few pounds. My outlook was altering, I felt beyond supportive of my teammates’ journeys, proud of their accomplishments and realized that I was no longer judging others. By taking care of myself, I suddenly believed in myself, was willing to take a risk on myself and wanted nothing more than to help raise other women up.
I celebrated the end of the program by stepping further out of my comfort zone and scheduled a photoshoot. The shoot itself was more of a two hour rapid-fire therapy session. I cried tears of frustration and defeat as I couldn’t get out of my head and therefore out of my own way.
Under the photographer’s experienced guidance, he created a sacred space for me to let down my guard, explore the confines of my preset boundaries and release my own expectations of myself. He told me anyone can take a picture but that he was there to show me my soul and that’s eventually exactly what he reunited me with. He captured on film and showed me a woman I’ve always dreamed of being; powerful, present, feminine and yes, even sensual. That was the day I earned my self-respect and became my own inspiration.
Since that day, I keep promises to myself that reinforce my willingness to do what it takes to improve 1% every day. I’m less afraid of failure and more afraid of not trying. My body has changed and sure, that’s cool, but I ended up losing more than a few pounds… I shed the weight of self-doubt, self-criticism and self-sabotage. I now not only have the tools to strengthen my body but I discovered the courage to strengthen my mind, challenge my boundaries, ground my soul and dare to dream big. I cannot thank my old self enough for reaching out for help when she hit an emotional bottom.
We all have a different path to self-discovery, I’m still shocked I found my path in a gym.