There are scores of books available on or about the Japanese martial art aikido. Most of them are of the how-to variety depicting step-by-step explanations of aikido techniques or movements. Many also delve into the philosophical or spiritual aspect of the discipline, beginning with the translated writings of aikido founder Morihei Ueshiba (or O-Sensei, “Great Teacher”).
The great majority of these books are well-written, insightful and extremely helpful to those wishing to hone their physical skills or learn more about the deeper aspects of aikido. There are some, though, that are frivolous or even verge on exploitation. From my several decades of aikido practice — two of them with a direct student of O-Sensei, whose no-nonsense approach was: just practice – I have become leery of those latter tomes.
When I first saw the title of Ann O’Brien’s latest book, “The Dance of Love: Mastering Your Relationships through Aikido Wisdom,” I must admit feeling a touch of skepticism; was this one of those books?
But I have known and practiced aikido with her for several years, am aware of her highly regarded reputation as an intuitive counselor and spiritual guide and trusted that her book would be serious and deeply thoughtful. And so it is.
In the introduction, O’Brien writes:
“Aikido is a martial art that brings us to unity. This is neither the merging of co-dependence nor the neutralization of roles that is currently trendy. In its dance of feminine and masculine, give and receive, attack and surrender — polarity is ever-present. We live to learn in a continual state of aliveness. Through the play within technique, we learn to participate in love as if our lives depend on it. They do.”
Those themes described above run throughout the book and underscore its goal of applying the lessons and understandings that O’Brien has gleaned from her aikido training to her professional practice. As she told The Sopris Sun, “Writing this book added another element to my counseling work that my clients really appreciate.” Conversely, she said, writing the book “helped my aikido get better … to find my aikido from within.”
The book is divided into some 70 short topical chapters (often two pages or less) with titles like “Learning the Art of Receiving,” “Redirecting Tension” and “Stay Present No Matter What.” Interspersed are a half dozen “Writing Practice” assignments with study questions to help guide the previous discussions. There is a handy glossary at the end with definitions of the various Japanese terms used in the book.
Throughout her book, O’Brien relates clearly described aikido movements and techniques to approaches one can take in managing relationships. For example, in the section discussing tenkan (getting out of the way of an attack by turning one’s body and thus letting that momentum pass before responding), she describes an instance where she used “mental tenkan” to buy some time, and that helped her diffuse a situation.
A major recurring theme in the book is generosity. “Aikido is based on generosity of spirit,” she writes. Later she relates how, when one’s partner grabs your wrists, you extend energy to the partner, and in that way establish a connection that can then be used to respond to the attack. In making the analogy to relationships, she says, “Choosing to give and steering clear of taking is what distinguishes healthy feminine and masculine versus all-too-prevalent toxic topics … The spirit of sharing is what perpetuates life.”
In one of the book’s longer chapters, she draws the distinction between “the game of manipulation and the art of love,” noting that an aikidoist manipulating an attacker to protect themself is “not the same as conniving to cause harm, stealing something from another, or ruthlessly attempting to ‘win’ while they ‘lose.’” Later in the chapter, “Most of us have some shadowy places where unconscious exploitation slips in. Aikido seeks to change this, and it’s one of my wishes through this book to offer another way.”
“The Dance of Love” is dense but well-written, and in keeping with the running theme of generosity, O’Brien shares candidly her own personal experiences and challenges. A lot is packed into each short chapter, and the periodic study questions are useful tools for the reader. This is a unique and welcome addition to the literature on both the practice of aikido and managing personal relationships.
The book is available online and at White River Books and (soon, hopefully) True Nature and also as an audio book. O’Brien will lead a workshop based on the book on Friday, Aug. 8, from 6 to 8pm, at True Nature Healing Arts. Registration and tickets at www.bit.ly/TNaikido