“Oh, fine. What’s this? What’s his problem?” (Jeanie Bueller)
“He doesn’t feel well.” (Joyce Bueller)
“Yeah, right. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.”
“Jeanie? Is that you? Jeanie? I can’t see that far …” (Ferris Bueller)
“Bite the big one, Junior.”
“Thank you, Jeanie. You get to school.” (Joyce)
“Wait, you’re letting him stay home? I can’t believe this! If I was bleeding out my eyes you guys would make me go to school. This is so unfair.”
“Jeanie, please don’t be upset with me. You have your health; be thankful.” (Ferris)
“That’s it. I want out of this family.”
These days, I hear Jeanie Bueller’s voice in my head whenever I read about Trump’s latest hijinks: “That’s it. I want out of this country.”
Except, I don’t. I want to stay and help — especially if Ferris needs a kidney transplant. I watched a lot of movies and television growing up, and in Hollywood’s United States of America the good guy always shows up just in time to thwart tyranny and save the day. Or better yet, they see the error of their ways, like Jeanie Bueller, and decide to help Ferris instead of being their usual petty, envious self.
“Well hello, Jeanie. Who’s bothering you now?” (Grace)
The weird thing is that we all used to agree on who the bad guy was. Whether it was a quintessential hero’s journey (Luke and Leia in “Star Wars”), or a stranger comes to town looking for odd jobs and good trouble (Sylvester Stallone in “First Blood”), or a combination of the two (Patrick Swayze in “Roadhouse”), there was always a greedy landlord/sheriff/ruler of the dark side waiting for a fight … And often you could tell he was the bad guy just by the hat he wore.
Speaking of hats, Melania keeps wearing her Hamburglar hat to formal events, begging for attention. I’m sorry, gal, but you had your chance last time when we all said, “Blink twice if you’re in danger.” This sequel is so much worse, and now it’s everyone for themselves. The rest of the world has figured it out. They know they can no longer count on the U.S. for any of the things that made this country great: immigration, innovation, science.
In fact, South Korea is suing us. US, the country that sent brilliant wisecracking, martini-drinking, idealistic doctors and nurses over during the Korean War to save lives (“M*A*S*H”). They’re suing because ICE apprehended and confined Koreans who were here to set up a Hyundai factory that would’ve employed Americans, not to mention produced cars for those of us who work for a living and just need a good, reliable vehicle. I mean, we can’t all embrace our inner “Knight Rider” with tinted windows and black plates on a car that looks like the drawing of an 11 year old.
When I was 11, I still believed our governmental process would hold up if confronted by fascism. Back in the 1900s, the USA was by no means perfect. We had a nasty tendency to gloss over the uncomfortable pillars of this country: slavery, war, genocide. But I did believe there were diligent grownups working on it. Today, with the divisiveness and sabotaging rhetoric, it feels more like the halls of high school than the U.S. Congress.
My own high school years were not my best, by any means: the tardiness, the slacking, the skipping class to go smoke in the Burger King parking lot … In a hand-me-down denim-clad, “Jack & Diane” singing “Breakfast Club,” I was a cross between the nerd and the outcast, with big hair and bigger plans to get the hell out of dodge and live my best life. But not once, in all my daydreams of living a Big Adult Life, did I imagine all our so-called leaders would turn out to be such sycophants, cowering before a wannabe authoritarian regime.
The collateral damage from this administration will be a real mess for a younger generation to clean up, but GenX may be retired by the time this freakshow leaves Washington. I know it can’t last forever, because hate never wins. And in the end, even Jeanie Bueller steps up. Save Ferris.