Editor’s note: Some quotes in this column are paraphrased.
Those of us living in America’s moderate- and left-leaning political spaces expected a bad year, and 2025 didn’t disappoint. The Trump-Kennedy Center, Trump-class battleships, masked (secret?) police in unmarked cars abducting our neighbors, the military patrolling city streets, yo-yo tariffs, more mass shootings, the continued dismembering of our already inadequate healthcare system in favor of no healthcare system, precipitous. Deadly sinking of boats on the high seas, reluctance to feed the hungry, more gerrymandering, suppression of free speech and freedom of the press. The list seemed endless. (You can read a more complete and more thoughtful version in the Dec. 27, 2025 New York Times: “Trump Promised Radical Change in His Second Term. Here’s What He’s Done So Far.”) And then, just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water, the almost-invasion of Venezuela. How can we live fulfilled lives amid this ongoing, potentially disastrous chaos?
You are reading Mature Content, and I’d like to tell you a story.
My 50th birthday, Jan. 17, 1991, was memorable, among other reasons because it was the first day of Operation Desert Storm. I was in San Francisco for a training weekend with about 500 other Teams, Management and Leadership Program (TMLP) devotees. We awoke to images of buildings and oilfields aflame, distraught at seeing our country again going to war on foreign shores. But our instructors stuck to the syllabus. Though gloom dampened our usual trainee enthusiasm, none of them mentioned the tragedies unfolding in the Middle East throughout the day.
TMLP Guru Ken Anbender wasn’t scheduled to be there that weekend, but, after dinner, he surprised us by taking the stage to open the evening. Roars of welcome filled the room.
“I love you guys,” Anbender began. “I have this weekend off, but I couldn’t miss an opportunity to spend time with you. We can talk about anything you’re interested in. Who wants to start?” Dozens of hands shot into the air, and he picked one. “How should we relate to the war?”
Anbender, who, I’m sure, knew exactly what question he would be asked no matter who he called on, said, “Don’t worry about it!” Then he stood there, waiting in the stunned silence. He had, after all, answered the question.
Eventually, another hand went up, more hesitatingly this time and not quite as high. Then another, and then a few more. “Ken, I don’t understand. People are dying, the ocean is in flames, and you’re telling us we shouldn’t worry?”
“That’s right,” Anbender answered. “If you have access to change the situation, please use it. But if you don’t have access, and most of us don’t, then don’t worry. The TMLP is about accomplishment. Have you ever accomplished anything by worrying? When you have access, use it. When you do not, don’t worry!”
Anbender’s advice wasn’t original, as any 12-stepper will tell you. (“God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.”) Still, coming as they did, Anbender’s words made enough of an impression that I can honestly say I’ve worried little for the last 35 years.
What, though, does “Don’t worry about it” mean when we’re reading the news over breakfast in 2026 Carbondale, rather than being trained in a 1991 San Francisco ballroom? It means, I assure you, the very same things. It means being honest about access. Most of what daily floods our consciousness is beyond our reach. We can rage about it, argue about it, doomscroll endlessly and post ad nauseam, inviting algorithms to amplify our posts to people who already agree with us. We can lie awake rehearsing speeches we’ll never give. None of that improves anything. It just wastes the limited energy we have. “Don’t worry about it” means using our energy effectively. It means using it where we have access.
Anbender asked a question that evening that’s as relevant now as it was the day the Gulf War erupted. Where do we have access? And how are we using it? This morning, I saw a social media post from the finder of a wallet seeking its rightful owner, and two posts from people who had received someone else’s package looking for the rightful recipients. Three posts from three people using their access to social media to create a better world. Those posts made my day, because small things matter.
We have access to how we treat people we encounter. We have access to how we use our money, time and attention. We have access to whether we show up to a town meeting, write a letter, help a neighbor or donate to a group doing work we believe in. We have access to our own integrity. Fulfilled lives aren’t created by carrying the weight of the world on our backs. They’re created by doing work that’s ours to do. And critical work that’s not ours to do? “Don’t worry about it!”
Mature Content is a monthly feature from Age-Friendly Carbondale.