Money Juice: You aren’t addicted to stress

It’s no mystery that we are a nation of stressed-out, overworked, undersupported humans. Many people think we’re addicted to stress, but I’m going to lay out a different hypothesis. We’re addicted to relief.

A common pillar between many religions, cultures and societies is: if you sacrifice and put in tremendous labor in this life, you will experience bliss in the afterlife. Efforting => Relief.

Regardless of your beliefs or background, you likely succumb to a pace of busyness that is only suited for the final throes of a competitive footrace. But … why?

We’re addicted to relief. We worry, stress and set goals for a momentary ride on the Relief Express. Think about it. The apex moment of relief is a state of real-time bliss, unlike anything else. I think about my own fear of flying. Sometimes I wonder if I white knuckle the whole flight just so I can experience the floaty effervescence of arriving safely. Nothing else matters in these moments. 

Remember a time your pet showed up after five days of being missing; your team won with a half-court lob; your doctor called with negative test results. When in this state, we’re relaxed, present, flexible, unflappable; the small things don’t matter and we have a great sense of humor. Isn’t this who we’re all ultimately striving to be?

When you have a stressful relationship with money, I argue that it’s a manufactured state built for some future moment when the pressure valve trips and the steam pours out. Aaaaaah … The more intense the stress, the greater the relief. But, like all addictions, we want more. So we get back on the hamster wheel knowing the next break will only be rewarding if we’ve punished ourselves accordingly.

Picture the difference between the two scenarios:

1) You’ve been tucking away money since you were a young adult and have watched it gradually grow. You’re supported and secure. It’s even-keeled progress.

2) You haven’t been tucking away money and you’re relying on a big moment in the future like a promotion, a windfall, an inheritance or a wealthy partner. You’re building up pressure for a monumental high. What’s more, if you live a feast/famine lifestyle, you might be addicted to the more frequent moments of relief that punctuate tough months. I mean, no one can argue that it’s not exciting!

If this feels like you, let’s reframe. Repeat after me:

I am a thrilling person, especially when I take care of myself financially.

I can find relief anytime I want by simply envisioning a time I was tremendously relieved and replaying it in my mind.

Worries are fictional narratives; I can tell myself a different story.

Take your addiction out of your relationship with money. You can be a junky in other parts of your life, but you simply must go through the repetitive, stable routine of growing your money, paying off your debt and being intimate with what’s coming in and what’s going out. 

Too boring? Find small breaths of relief anytime you spend money or receive money. Did you get a parking ticket in downtown Aspen? Take a relaxing exhale for the fact that you can pay it and don’t have to volunteer 60 hours as a meter maid to take care of it. Imagine struggling with unemployment each time you get paid and bask in your income.

Now, starting with the muscles in your face, clench each and every muscle in your body from top to bottom until your whole body is tight and exhausted. Hold for 10 long seconds. Then, let go. Just as we manufacture stress, we can manufacture sweet, sweet relief.

Megan Janssen is the founder of Money Juice and a financial advisor with Forum Financial Management, LP. Learn more at money-juice.com The ideas and language written here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Forum.