By Ryan Honey
There are many things you hope to teach your children as a parent. After we knock off the basics like eating, speaking and using the potty, we keep adding to the list. There are the obvious ones like manners, kindness and a strong work ethic that every parent hopes their kids pick up.
There are the “big four” of sports that are skills you really don’t want your kids to have to learn in adulthood: riding a bike, swimming, ice skating and skiing and/or snowboarding. While here in the Valley the last two reign supreme, I think the first two are more universally accepted as critical skills. I know this because my college roommate couldn’t ride a bike. When people learned this they didn’t ask, “Can you ski?” They asked, “Can you swim?” He could, by the way.
The list goes on and on, as does the teaching. I’m a 47-year-old father of three, but I’m also still a son. I am simultaneously imparting wisdom as a father, and gaining wisdom from my dad. I’m also of the age where the kids are teaching me a ton (but the answer is still, “No, James, I’m not going to follow you off of the Mids at Makaha on Snowmass and, ‘Just send it…’”). At this point, they are very likely doing more of the teaching.
There is one thing I’ve been trying to teach my kids from the outset that I’m not sure every parent aspires to pass on: the art of comedy. Like any art form, it’s tough to teach. There is a degree of natural talent required, and you certainly need to put in those 10,000 hours. But I do believe that creating laughter is a critical life skill.
Our shared journey into the world of comedy started when my oldest started babbling. I made a concerted effort to have her first word be “Chrysanthemum.” I would spend long stretches of time saying the word Chrysanthemum to her over and over. Alas, the volume of syllables and the lack of practical applications proved to be too much. “Dog” ultimately won the day. Chrysanthemum took a surprisingly long time to make an appearance in the vocabulary, considering the effort I put in. All was not lost as we made a short film with her as a toddler spewing grown up commentary about paintings (www.tinyurl.com/ArtTots if you are interested).
As she grew up and was joined by her two brothers, the importance of comedic skills and timing came ever more into focus. As if it were a genetic trait, the three Honeys immediately started to delight themselves by imitating the sounds of bodily functions. To be fair, my youngest has an uncanny ability to mimic the sound of gas passing.
One night, as they inadvertently ruined a nice family dinner with their antics, I taught them a critical rule for potty humor. “Try one joke. If your audience laughs, keep going. If they don’t, move on.” They’ve learned this lesson quite well and it has translated into a fundamental life skill: reading the room. If you learn to read an audience, you know how to read a room. If you know how to read a room, you will know what to do when you walk into it.
The kids are teens and pre-teens now. Their inputs for comedy reach far beyond me, but I’m proud to say that “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” is still their favorite film. I’m doing something right. As they grow older, I am certain that the art of comedy will serve well.
“Punch up in comedy, don’t punch down” teaches them to not be racist, homophobic, sexist, misogynistic, ageist and more. I’m not sure there is a better way into these difficult conversations than humor. Teaching them also made me reconsider the jokes I tell. “Make jokes about yourself, not others” develops the skills of self-reflection and mindfulness. “Connect the dots in unexpected ways” encourages them to observe the world and value their unique perspective. Pretty critical stuff if you ask me.
Comedy is a tool I have used all of my adult life. It helped shape who I am, and it is shaping my kids. To know that they can elicit laughter, joy and humor from the world around them gives me hope. Their lives will not be without challenges or hardship. But if they have a toolbelt with comedy at the ready, they’ll find a way through. After all, life is what we focus on, so we might as well focus on what makes us smile.
PS: Don’t forget one of the first lessons of comedy that my college roommate who couldn’t ride a bike taught me, “Friends will always laugh at friends, so long as someone has just farted.”
Ryan Honey is an arts administrator, actor, producer and comedian. He spent nearly 20 years in Los Angeles working in film, theater and television. Currently, Ryan runs TACAW, a net-zero performing arts center that brings world-class performances to the Roaring Fork Valley. When he isn’t at TACAW or cheering on his kids at sporting events and shows, you can find him performing with Consensual Improv or as a stand-up comic up and down the Valley.
June VOICES Radio Hour: “Dad Life” will air on KDNK on Friday, June 14 from 6-7pm. You can listen to past episodes of VOICES Radio Hour at www.voicesrfv.org/voices-radio-hour.
