This month on VOICES Radio Hour — Friday, April 11 at 6pm on KDNK — we hear from women in the Roaring Fork Valley, including Allison Alexander, who are living life sober, and learn what makes that journey a challenge, as well as a joy.
On a recent midwestern trip home, my aunt gave me a photo album with pictures of my childhood that I had never seen before or had long forgotten. Toward the front of the book is a series of photos from my Catholic baptismal after-party in the bar my grandparents owned.
This series gave me pause for several reasons. First, I converted to Judaism 15 years ago, but that’s a story for a different time. Secondly, I stopped drinking alcohol over five years ago. It also served as a reminder of what an incredibly large role alcohol plays in my family and our culture generally.
I did not stop because I hit rock bottom or had a particularly bad night out. Instead, I stopped because my sister’s drinking almost killed her in January of 2020, putting her in the ICU for weeks and then a nursing home, unable to walk for six months at the age of 33 with the alcoholic neuropathy of someone decades older.
As a curious person, I wanted to understand why she kept ending up in this place after years of attempting sobriety in multiple ways in various rehabs. I had also watched my brother and other loved ones do terrible damage to their lives with alcohol. I did not struggle in the same ways, so I wanted to understand how I could support her better. I started reading books about addiction and the memoirs of those in recovery years ago.
That January, while my sister was in the hospital across the country, I felt helpless and turned to another book. This time, it was “Quit Like a Woman” by Holly Whitaker. I hadn’t drank since she entered the hospital, and as I started reading, I decided I wouldn’t drink while I read it. Halfway through, I decided I would not be drinking again, and I haven’t since.
Most books about alcohol or addiction I had read up until that point did not talk about the role alcohol plays in culture or outline how it impacts the brain, topics I am fascinated by. As I read, I started to realize how alcohol is a part of every part of our lives. If we are celebrating, perhaps even a baptism, we drink. If we are sad, like after a funeral, we drink. Culturally, we have made it routine to drink and abnormal to abstain.
It is also the only drug that we often look at the user as deficient if they can’t control their use of it, and almost all of us expect that our children will at some point drink. I had never questioned any of this before.
As I thought about those truths and others, I questioned whether I wanted to have alcohol in my life. At that point, I was beginning to remove things that were not adding value in my life or I had outgrown. I realized alcohol wasn’t a relationship I wanted to continue. When I am honest, it has brought a lot of harm to my life, even without it being a “problem.”
The first few months I removed drinking were not challenging as we moved through COVID because I have never drank at home. I did, however, notice that I was invited to feel feelings in a way I hadn’t before without the occasional drink when life felt stressful or challenging.
As the world started to reopen, my newfound sobriety was put to the test. As an extroverted introvert, I used alcohol to “help” me move through social anxiety. What surprised me was that, for the first time, I was more present and calm in conversations while noticing others were not. As others drank more, I realized there was no pressure to perform because they likely wouldn’t remember the finer details of our conversation.
Last year was the most challenging year of my life as I navigated my divorce. It was also the first time since 2020 I thought, “I want to drink.” The thought surprised me, but when I got curious about why I wanted to, I knew my reasoning was precisely why I should not. I wanted to numb and forget and check out of the worst pain of my life. Instead, I felt it. Instead, I let myself be truly sad and leaned on other tools.
Instead of a hangover, I felt clarity and joy on the other side. Being alcohol-free has also shifted the way I show up to support those I love who have not had the ease of experience I have in removing alcohol. I know that questioning the need for alcohol at every gathering and removing it has created meaningful moments and deepened my relationships in ways for which I am deeply grateful.
Allison is a heart alchemist and breathwork guide who specializes in supporting individuals and organizations in living out their heart-led missions. Curiosity is her superpower, and as a former children’s librarian, she is deeply passionate about play and storytelling. She is a proud member of the VOICES board.