Monica Alvarez-Muniz
VOICES Radio Hour
Monica Alvarez-Muniz is a hairdresser and caregiver for her deaf and special needs brother. She has raised an amazing, intelligent and ingenuitive daughter. She honors her Latin heritage through cooking and creating. She enjoys singing in the Aspen Choral Society, volunteering for community events, doing yoga, dancing and her deeply rooted spiritual practice in her daily life.
I had a dream of being in the universe with hundreds of babies. They were all different shapes, colors and races. They were so adorable. A few weeks later I realized I had not had my period. I did a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I called my mom and told her I had a gift for her but she would have to wait nine months. She said, “Mija I had a dream of a little girl pulling on your dress.” I thought, welp, I’m gonna have a girl. Mom always knows. When I told my dad he did one of his classic Mariano responses: “Ijolamija!” “Oh my Goodness my sweet daughter!”
When I went to the doctor, he wanted to schedule an ultrasound to see how many babies were growing inside me. The sound of her heartbeat was a sound I’ll never forget. When the doctor asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl, it was as if she was listening. She paused, and flipped around. I know, it’s a girl.
I made a schedule of how I wanted my birthing experience to be. Starting with the music — Vivaldi. To her father Eddie catching her and putting her on my chest. She arched back and looked straight at me. I looked into her eyes and said, “God is love and love is God.” As she laid on my heart, I was in a complete, altered state of blissful love as she filled the room with sparkling light.
I wanted a name from my Latin heritage, something unique. We found the name Ixchel. Ixchel is the rainbow goddess of harvest, fertility, business and love. She is also the patroness of the arts, textiles, painting, medicine and healing. We thought, “Well that is a well-rounded name!”
I chose to raise my daughter with no fears. I didn’t realize that I would still have to face mine through her. I had to teach her not to pick up black widows or anything else that was poisonous, because she was fearless. I raised her by telling her the truth, even when it made her uncomfortable when it came to finding out about menstruation and how babies were born. I also explained to her that her body was a temple. It was a gift and that when she was ready to give … it was her choice and no one else’s.
I come from a lineage of strong, fearless, intelligent women. They loved to dance, cook, sing, play piano, crochet and embroider, and they knew how to heal. My great-grandmother Sabas was born in San Juan de los Lagos. When her husband started cheating on her she packed up her mother, Momma Damiana, and her two daughters, Dolores and my grandmother Juanita, and moved to the United States in the 1900s.
My mother had a beautiful voice, and a great sense of style. She went from being a secretary in an insurance company, wearing high heels, hat and gloves, to a wood-cutting, gun-slinging, deer-hunting cowgirl when they moved from Texas to New Mexico. Anything she would put her mind to she could do.
When I came into the world, I was ready. I was born in Español, New Mexico, July 11, 1965.
I had many Navajo, Zuni, Laguna, Pueblo Native friends. We used to go play out in the hills and would find shards of old native pottery and really cool rocks. I learned to speak a little bit of Navajo and enjoyed many native foods at the Flea Market. The Hopi women would make their bread outdoors in clay ovens; The Navajos would make roasted corn, roast mutton with green chili and fry bread. Growing up with natives and Mexican Americans, I heard many stories of the abilities of curanderas: the female healers and medicine men.
As a teenager, I started to become intuitive and through my dreams I would see the good and bad of what was to come. It was challenging for my family to relate to me. I would question everything. Their response of “because I said so” did not work for me. I wanted to know why. I wanted an explanation. I wanted the truth. I started speaking my truth from an early age. That didn’t go too well when I started questioning the Catholic Church. I later learned that when you use malas or rosaries you activate the pineal gland which can lead to heightened intuition, improved clarity of thought and increased awareness.
My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. I helped raise my two younger brothers. Jose was born deaf and has special needs. I was the first one in my family to learn sign language. Jose and I have a special relationship. I am his dedicated protector, and he is my greatest teacher.
We moved to Colorado in 1988. Here was where I found myself through belly dancing, fire spinning, singing, expressing my creativity through hair styling and finding a deeply rooted spiritual practice that helps me in my daily life.
The last two years of my mother’s life, she came to live with my husband and me. I knew that this was my chance to make things right with my mom. For when we dance again in another life I would like our story to have more love than conflict. I was a rebellious teenager.
We enjoyed many concerts, farmers markets, watching old Westerns and cooking. She was a great storyteller. I took her to the Caverns to hear my husband’s band and when she saw the alpine slide she said, “I want to ride that!” She was still fearless in her 80s! My favorite ritual was tucking her in at night and cuddling. I cherished these tender, loving moments for I knew my mom would not be here forever.
I came home to have lunch with my mom. I found her on her bed. Her eyes were open but she was not responsive. She was going to need surgery on her heart. We discussed the possibility of her not surviving the surgery. I knew she wanted to be cremated and wanted a cowgirl themed Celebration of Life. The day after her passing, I was sitting at the dinner table when I saw this shimmering light that looked like water.
I asked, “Is that you Mom?” It shimmered for a little while longer, and then disappeared.